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crush(lost hope)

Dear crush its been long since I talked about you ,my condition is also worsening ,I have been waiting for signs but I think they are not visible enough since I’m short sighted, where are you? what am I supposed to tell my relatives? Was it all a lie? Some encourage me to visit rehabilitation centres thinking I might be low key upstairs.
It’s been too long ,I now have a daughter ,she is getting older day by day ,she now collaborates with her mother and deny me the peace of mind I deserve “Baba tuambie uyo crush ni nani”
Dear crush, that was my little secret and sooner or later it won’t be hidden any longer and they will point the accusing fingers on me. “Yaani nimekuzalia mtoto na bado unapenda uyo crush? Crush my foot”. The yells I get from my sweet and loving wife are threatening to rupture my ear membranes and they inflict so much pain making me become numb with nothing to explain, futhermore what’s there to explain?
Dear crush I wanted to meet you before I metamorphosise to a devil,
Word is out I almost forced myself to kick my own bucket, more reasons to see the so called psychiatrist. I banked my hopes on you but with each passing day, they grow more faint and at last there won’t be none but I wish you are the one who’ll read my euology when the time comes for they wouldn’t understand why it happened. It was right before their eyes and they never cracked the code and realise who we were, so hopefully to avoid all unnecessary drama, let it stay that way. I’m still unsure if you’ll shed a tear for my sake due to the firewalls you had installed just for me but if it gets tough, just find solace in liquor.

Here’s the part I wish you all the happiness in the world but the track I’m currently listening to gives me second thoughts. Just already downed almost ten shots of tequila, I feel Justin Bieber had you in mind when he composed this one. If you don’t mind,
_”Cause if you like the way you look that much_
_Oh baby you should go and love yourself_
_And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’_
_You should go and love yourself”_


Audi tale

Funny thoughts about life is that we all have cherished desires except for the guy (hope you remember Audi 😉his automobile), the only name that fills up his mind; you’ll be at loggerheads if there’s repetiton of his automobile unnecessarily. “kijana ushawai pigwa🌚?” He would threaten. I always tell him to continue with the story, *MY RIDE* with a tragic ending, Audi crushes and is fully replaced by Elinah but that wont be possible. He has this dream of Audi, taking him to a speed of 120km/h till he throws up🤣🤣🤣

sometime thoughts

“I can’t help but dream of the day,
the day we become one again.”

It’s winter again, and I’m reminded of how you used to hold me in the night. When the air was too cold, but your body heat was enough to keep me from shivering. I cling to your scent, not wanting it to disappear. But I’m still here, under the same sheets, and I’m beginning to feel the ghost of your touch fade from my memories. I’m still here, and yet I’m beginning to panic. The thought of forgetting your scent haunts me, because there isn’t anything left of us but memories

“Being with you. In your arms.
Those are the moments I crave.”

Sometimes, when I least expect it, you pop up in my mind. Like someone changed the channel on the radio. Sometimes, my dreams drift to you, like you’re a magnet and our story is long from over. Sometimes, I revel in those dreams,

allowing myself to be in those moments with you. Being free and open. Being with you. In your arms. Those are the moments I crave, even though you’re far from here. Sometimes, I wish those dreams were a reality.

But then again, sometimes, I know dreams are only meant to stay that way

And sometimes,
it breaks my heart all over again.

“And I wonder.
I wonder if you feel
my heart calling for yours.”

I look up into the night sky, feeling the humidity in the air, sticking to my skin like molasses, and I wonder if you’re seeing the same stars. I wonder if you’re feeling the thickness in your lungs, just as I am. And I wonder where your thoughts go in moments like this. In the silence. In the night. In the moments when it’s just you and the sleeping world around you. I wonder, in these moments, if you think of me as I think of you. With wonder. With a smile. With the memories, even the bad ones, that were worth experiencing. And I wonder. I wonder if you feel my heart calling for yours

I wonder if you feel
my heart calling for yours.“I knew our chances
And yet I still wanted you.
I still needed you.”

I knew our chances. I knew the stakes.

How the odds were always working against us.

How distance was more than just a physical obstacle. I knew that loving you would lead to a broken heart. But my walls crumbled down and I fell for you anyway. And I knew. I knew that you and I becoming us was nothing more than a dream — a want. A desire. I knew. And yet I still wanted you. I still needed you. To me, nothing else mattered

I played the lottery
and I won the jackpot.“I still feel light, even in the darkest of nights.
That’s how I know I still love myself.”

You see, you made me see so much more than I ever thought I would. You showed me what love could feel like. You showed me what it meant to be loved. You showed me that the world has so much more light than darkness. But just as soon as you appeared, you were gone.

And I’m left wondering what is left. What I loved. Was it you? Or did I fall for myself too? I didn’t know if I had anything left to give. Anything left to hold on to. What I’ve lost, I thought it was more than I could bear. But, I knew I would learn to carry that weight. Just as I’ve always done. Because I still feel the light, even in the darkest of nights. That’s how I know I still love who I am. And that’s all that matters.

This is how to love yourself.
You are more than the love
someone else can give you.“I just want you to know,

wherever you are,
a part of me still loves you.”

I just want you to know, wherever you are, my thoughts still drift to you. In the night, I sometimes find myself reaching out to you. And I can’t help but wonder if you’re doing the same thing. Sometimes, as if you are right next to me, I feel you. Like you’re a magnet. A compass, drawing me home. In some ways, I suppose you still are. Connected to me in spirit. Walking by my side. Looking up at the same moon. Feeling the same warmth in the summer night air. Laughing at each other’s jokes. Just enjoying the company of one another. There are moments, when I wonder about you. If you’re happy. If you think of me too. And, though our time ended so long ago, I remember you. I miss you. And god help me, but that part of me that knew you so well still loves you.

Sometimes, when I dream,
it’s about a life without you in it.

“And when I crashed into your arms,
I knew I’d made it.
I was home again.”

I traveled so far away from home, that I forgot to leave breadcrumbs to find my way back. And I suppose that’s when the helplessness seeped in. That’s when I realized I’d lost my way. I’d lost my home. Out there, in that wilderness, I was lost. Alone. Afraid.

It pulled me deeper into the darkness like a perpetual night without stars or the moon to illuminate my way. But my heart was still filled with love. So I kept holding on. I kept my grip on to hope. And I refused to give up. Admitting defeat wasn’t an option. Accepting that I would never see you again. And I knew, that one day, I would find my way back to you.

After what felt like forever, dawn broke over that horizon and I saw the sun hit your face. My body, cold from the elements, exhausted beyond measure, warmed at the first glimpse of you. I held on for my life, and I found my way back home. I found you. And when I crashed into your arms, I knew I’d made it. I was home again. I vowed to never leave your embrace. I would stay in your arms forever. And I would die

A little hope can go a long way.
Never give up.

“In her arms, I was safe.
I couldn’t help but smile
as sleep took me away.”

A small smile crept across her lips and she motioned me to move toward her. I snuggled against her side and her arms wrapped around me, which only made me melt further into her. With my ear just above her heart, I heard that beating within her chest like it was a melody I’d heard since infancy. It was comforting. Safe. I felt the warmth of her breath hitting the top of my head just before a low whisper passed her lips, “This is home.” I couldn’t help but smile as sleep took me away

This is home for me too.“And I wonder about you.
If there’s a reason you haunt me.”

No matter what I try, my mind lingers to you. In the dead of night, I can hear you whispering through the trees, echoing through the chambers in my heart, as if they’re one and the same. And I wonder about you. If there’s a reason you haunt me. If there’s anything I can do to rid my thoughts of you. But I suppose that’s what my problem is. How can I banish you when I don’t even know your true name?

Is it Love? Pain? Or is it Death? I’m not sure I want to know

Either way, I think I’m screwed.

I want you to think about this piece. Reread it. Let it simmer.
Death does not call out like a lost lover.
But someone that is lingering at the edge,
wondering about death might think it would end their suffering.
Perhaps it would, but it would also end everything else.
So please, if you or someone you know ever
finds themselves in a situation where death
feels like an answer, reach out.
Get help. It is NEVER the answer.
Death has never been nor will it ever be romantic.

“I wonder if my words truly capture
everything you are to me.”

Out of all the pieces I’ve ever written, they never do justice. To my feelings. To my beliefs. To what my eyes have seen. All about you. I feel I always come up short. Why is that? I wonder. I always wonder if my words are enough. If they matter enough. If they can even come close to what I know to be real. If they can measure up to what you really are, and your magnificence. I wonder if my words truly capture everything you are to me

But I don’t mind trying until I get it right.“So, I guess what I’m trying to say
is that my world revolved around you.
And you left me in the dark.”

You were my moon. The light in my darkness. The thing that made my nights more bearable. But then you left, as if you were never there at all. Now, I’m left with an oblivion of perpetual night. And when the sun does finally rise in the morning, I won’t feel the warmth or register its luminance. Because all that time I spent in the night left me blind and unable to feel anything but you. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that my world revolved around you. And you left me in the dark. To say that I miss you and your light is an understatement

You were my moon,
but then you stopped shining.

inspired by sarah doughty

©as written by athuman hassan

Happy papas

Father’s Day Is Meant To Be A Time For Us To Spend Some
Time With Our Dad’s On The Third Sunday In June! A Time To
Gather The Whole Family Around For A Barbecue And Good Old Family Fun And

Reminiscing About The Old Days When Everyone Was Much Younger And To
Retell The Stories We Have About Dad And Ourselves.

Father’s Day Is A Special Day To Share Old Memories With Dad And
To Build New Ones Too, If You Are Blessed To Still Have Your Dad With You.
Be Sure And Take Lots Of Photos And Make New Memories If You Are Among The Lucky Ones!

Some Of Us Have Had Our Dad’s Pass On And Are Now The Family’s Oldest Dad, So Father’s Day Has A Deeper Meaning To Us As We Look Back And Think Of The Last Memory Of Seeing Dad.

Families Are Complicated, Sometimes! Most People Didn’t Live A Walt Disney Family Life. Some Don’t Have Warm And Fuzzy Memories. But Whatever Your Memory I Would Encourage You To Take Today As An Opportunity To Remember And Write Out – “The Last Memory I Have Of Seeing Dad”!

This Wasn’t Meant To Be A Writing Prompt, But Perhaps It’s Not Such
A Bad Idea To Write About Dad. Take Out A Pen And Paper And Put It Down In Ink, The Old Fashioned Way (Or A Keyboard If You Must). Close Your Eyes And Relive The Last Moments You Remember Seeing Your Dad And Let Those Images And Feelings Flow Onto The Paper. Say What Your Heart Needs To Say! Open Up Your Mind’s Memory Box And Play – “The Last Memory I Have Of Seeing Your Dad”

Let Love And Joy And/Or Forgiveness Flow Over Your Soul! Give Yourself Permission To Sit Quietly Alone In A Room And Remember, And Then Write It Out So You Will Have It On Record!

Write Out – “The Last Memory I Have Of Seeing Dad” For Yourself, Your Family And The Rest Of The World!!!!

Happy Father’s Day To You And Yours!! May It Be A Blessed Day For All

Sour yet Tastefull revenge

All my life, or at least since high school, people have remarked about how laid-back I am. I don’t know if this comes off in my writing or in the person I appear to be in social media. But in social situations, among small groups, I am generally quite relaxed. I drink, I joke, I listen, I sometimes say outrageous things or philosophize, and then I go on my way. People rarely get to me. I guess because most of them I keep at arm’s length or further depending on my relationship with them. Sometimes, however, someone will cut through that distance and reach me, and burrow under my skin. When this happens, I have been told, I react emotionally. The problem is that when I am upset, I feel it in my whole body. It has something to do with my nervous system. Something electric pulses through me, stimulating my flesh, eating up fat cells, boiling my blood and keeping me from sleeping. That’s the worst part – not being able to sleep. I have enough trouble as it is. If someone exacerbates the problem, my mind in those bleak hours descends to a place of ashen darkness inhabited by fire-breathing salamanders, and poisonous flowers, and gloomy dwarfs.

I start thinking about revenge.

I think of the hundreds of divine and diverse possibilities for going about it, ranging from cruel to so ruthless I’d never do it, but it sure is a pleasure thinking about it.

At least for a while.

Until your emotions let down and you realize the greater pleasure and best revenge is simply to ignore, to avoid, to forget about the whole damn thing. No one needs to be taught anything. But if they are going to learn something, your silence and absence will teach them the most.


My africa ,your africa,our africa

I saw it again this time clearer than before. On the 21st September2017, It was a deadly storm that came from behind us like a mountain, trembled and destroyed everything that stood as an obstacle on it movement. 
We thought all hope wasn’t lost, so we tried running in front. Behold came another mighty storm, a storm that knows no fear, no limit and no boundaries. Our fears were exposed before these two stoms that had us captives. Our legs trembled on our own father’s land and strange voices were heard from within these storms. Our blood resist flowing while our bodies became frosted.
With these great storms was were our fathers, our ancestors had shared their blood and destiny to build up for us the city of nonviolence and peace: Africa the promise land. We never knew of violence as the strange voices from the storms try to make us believe something else. But deep within us is seen a people of peace and love which can be visible on a land now bordered by storms. 
People behind these storms could neither see nor hear us. The sound of these storms gave them a negative view and impression about us making them to refer to us as: evils, animals, unrated, barbaric etc but those who fight and struggled and made it across these storms, meet a land call Africa the pride of it ancestors. A place of every positivity. So we are proud to say:
We Love Africa

We love our Fathers land

We love what and who we are

We love peace and nonviolence

We love all races

We love all religion

from the serious “joker “athman hassan

Be proud of your scars

when abowl is broken in japan is put back together with cracks being with Gold ,creating a beautiful lining ,this is to emphasize the beauty in what was broken,they believe when something has suffered damage and has a history,it makes it more beautiful and the same goes to human beings,everything that you’ve been through doesnt make your life uglier,although it may seem that way when we are going through it ,its up to us to choose to paint our struggles with gold and make it beautiful,you are not broken beyond repair,you can pick  yourself up and learn from what’s happened and become a better person from it ,because of the struggles that you’ve been through,you can wear your scars proudly as a badge of honour as if to say “look at what i’v been through its made me who iam today”

from the joker who didn’t know he was one of them (athman hassan)a blogger /programmer not only that a qualified first aider at st .johns ,undertaking diploma in ict at (IAT)